Be fruitful and mulitply!! oh yeah, not me!

Okay so once again, it's been a minute since I had time to blog. Nothing new to report as far as any new developments on the whole PCOS junk. No, mostly just wanted to blog about my feelings as of late. I am doing better as far as not hating every mother I see and wanting to throw my computer against a wall every time I read where one of my friends and family are pregnant on a certain social network. So yeah! I really truly believe that by throwing myself into the baby room at work has helped a lot. Every now and again there are certain things that still are really emotionally hard, like when a baby calls me mama all the time and screams and pitches a huge fit when I have to leave her or when we have babies come in thru dfacs that are abused or were born addicted to drugs and or alcohol and things like that, but I am making it. Right now, my main two struggles are this...1. baby showers for friends and family and 2. something my husband discovered in the Bible for a paper he is writing that just makes me very, frustrated. So to explain number one a little more, there is a lady at work that is having a baby shower, and don't get me wrong, I really like her and am happy that she is having a baby and all, but there is something that is stopping me from wanting to go and sit with a bunch of other ladies who more than likely have all experienced the miracle of child birth and get to hear their stories and blah blah blah! I don't know, i just can't, I am not there yet. To explain number two, my husband is writing this paper for college, he does some research and tells me that the phrase "be fruitful and multiply" is in Genesis 7 times, 7 is the number of God and of perfection, so if being able to reproduce is perfection, why haven't I been able to that which God commands. I feel utterly useless right now, I can't even carry out this one thing. What is wrong with me!!!!!!