So, as in all things, when you have a problem, some days are just worse than others! Last night was not a good nite for me as far as all of this is concerned! No matter what I watched, read, heard or saw it was about babies!! Ugh!! Sometimes it seems that I really want to talk to people about my thoughts and feelings toward this, but then I think ahead to how it will go down! They will tell me exactly what I don't want to hear... Just don't worry about it, take your mind off of this, don't trouble yourself, you are taking this too hard, it will happen one day, your still young, maybe you just aren't meant to get pregnant, etc. I have heard it all and trust me, none of these ever help! What does help is having a great friend who is going thru this very curse with me and a husband who is extremely supportive! Sometimes with my husband tho, i feel like he looks at me like a defective piece of hardware that he bought ( although I know this to be quite the contrary), in reality that's really the way I see myself, not him. He loves me unconditionally no matter what. Although i know he can never truly relate all the way, he does a incredible job of knowing when i seem like I need a hug, a simple I love you, a caress of the arm, a joke to make me smile if not laugh, make a complete fool of himself just to make me make that face at him and sometimes just to be silent, because sometimes there is just nothing you can say! I am so blessed to have him as my soul mate and beside me while I am going thru the worst pain in my life. Having my husband is integral, but so is my bff who like i said is going thru the same thing in her life. I can tell her things that i can't or wouldn't tell my husband because of the look i know i would get. LOL!! Being able to share this burden with her (although i deeply wish it was something else we had so in common) really helps. Just to be able to say a few words to each other, exchange a look and know that we are on the same page and are thinking the exact same thing is great and very therapeutic. I try to talk to others, but trying to tell someone who has children already about not being able to have children is like complaining to a eskimo that there is no snow in ga. The eskimo in no way can relate to you and really has no sympathy either. Anywho, I have to admit that i keep thinking about monday and what the dr. appt will bring. Every scenario i can think of ends with me broken hearted, although some seem worse scenario's than others i will admit. I am just praying that it goes well and that God would use this dr. to help me, guide me and show me my path on striving to get prenant!
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