Complicate matters more...

Okay so if you know me or you read my about me you know that my husband had two children from a previous marriage. I claim these two children as my own and they even call me mom. Their background was not a great one, the "real" egg donor as i call her left her children and husband for meth and a man who supplied her the drugs! She left when they were very young, J.T was 8 and Brooke was 5. During the divorce my husband was awarded full custody and her visitation.  She visited with them a few times, and payed her child support for a little while as well, but then she just stopped. Stopped setting up visits, stopped paying and stopped calling. When I met them, Brooke was 8 and J.T 11. ,the effects of not having a mother were clearly visible. Jamey and I began dating in June, that december she called to speak to the kids. Keep in mind they haven't heard from her in forever. The effects of that superfast phone call would stick with me for the rest of my life. J.T was left angry and confused and Brooke was left heart broken and needing reassurance and affection. I was thankful that I was there to help. The first year of our marriage was quiet and we heard nothing from her, the next year i get a call that she has tried to check them both out of school  {thank goodness they had the copy of the divorce agreement on file and she couldn't} then she shows up at my husbands job demanding to see them. After some extreme prayer and decision making, we decided to start visitation again. This has been the worst decision ever. Expecially dealing with the fact that I myself have not been able to get pg, but low life scum like her can have kids, leave them, treat them like dirt and not have to pay for what she has done to them (or pay for the back child support she owes them either). Every time the kids see her is like starting over. The kids try to explain to her their feelings, but the meth abuse has left her brain wishing for  anything that looks like reasoning skills. Each time is difficult for me now, keeping my mouth shut, not saying to her all the things that I want to. I can not wait until both kids are 18 and they no longer have to deal with her. It makes me mad to think that my husband was able to reproduce with her, have two amazing children with her, that she was able to have his kids. That she was able to have his kids and then make all the wrong decisions with them. Take them on drug runs, feed them lies about where they were going and what they were doing, she got to make mistakes. I cant even do that, make mistakes i mean. Sometimes I just don't understand why things are the way they are.